Blogs / Cosmic Variance

As we approach the final exam season, and my thoughts turn to grading the hopefully logically thought-out musings of my students, here’s a little test for your enjoyment, courtesy of ebonmusings. I’ll just provide you with a teaser:

3) You are a product tester and frequently bring your work home. Yesterday, while dressed in a flame resistant suit (up to 3,000 degrees) and carrying the latest model fire extinguisher, you discover your neighbor’s house is on fire. As the flames quickly spread, you stand and watch your neighbor’s new baby burn to death. Which of the following best describes your behavior?

A. All-powerful
B. All-knowing
C. All-loving
D. Mysterious

(Thanks Ms. Chris!)

Man, people have even started marching against Cosmic Variance! See if you can identify the individual kvetchmeisters from the comment threads. (Via Crooked Timber.)

The Catholic League is up in arms about Cosimo Cavallaro’s milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, naked on the cross, titled “My Sweet Lord”. (the image is from the BBC article)

Personally, I’m offended for two reasons. First, this is gratuitous use of delicious chocolate that could otherwise be savored with espresso, milk or champagne. I wish sculptors would stick to making religious artwork out of things that aren’t so tasty (the virgin Mary partially made out of elephant dung from a few years ago is a fine example).

Secondly, I’m offended that Catholic League head Bill Donohue called the sculpture

“one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever”.

Really? More of an insult to the supposed Christian ideal of loving one’s brother than the homophobic attitude of the church? More of an insult than the rampant and systematic sexual abuse of young boys by Catholic priests? More of an insult than the poverty and disease exacerbated by the church’s absurd stances on abortion and birth control, particularly in the third world? Somebody needs a new priority list.

If you like the sound of the piece, or are just a little peckish, go see the exhibit Monday onwards at Manhattan’s Lab Gallery.

Apparently wine vs. beer is the story of the upcoming Democratic primary. Obama is wine, Clinton is beer. (Via MR.) And beer always wins! Glad that’s been settled.

I have nothing to say about this, I’m only posting to mock my lazy cobloggers. Do they have jobs or something? Feel free to join the mocking in the comments! And as a bonus, a cute kitten. (Via Chrononautic Log.)

It’s that time of year when eager young students are deciding where to embark on, or to continue, their higher educations. You can see our advice-giving posts on choosing an undergraduate school and choosing a graduate school.

But there are a lot of options out there, and it would be a shame to overlook any of them. So we’d be remiss not to mention the unique opportunities offered by the Maharishi University of Management. Founded by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, spiritual advisor to the Beatles, and led by John Hagelin, highly-cited theoretical physicist and occasional Presidential candidate, the MUM offers a — did I already mention “unique”? — set of experiences to the enthusiastic student. And that’s not even counting the Yogic Flying!

Here, for example, are some of the course descriptions for the undergraduate major in mathematics.

Infinity: From the Empty Set to the Boundless Universe of All Sets — Exploring the Full Range of Mathematics and Seeing its Source in Your Self (MATH 148)

Functions and Graphs 1: Name and Form — Locating the Patterns of Orderliness that Connect a Function with its Graph and Describe Numerical Relationships (MATH 161)

Maharishi Vedic Mathematics: Mathematical Structure and the Transcendental Source of Natural Law (MATH 205)

Geometry: From Point to Infinity — Using Properties of Shape and Form to Handle Visual and Spatial Data (MATH 267)

Calculus 1: Derivatives as the Mathematics of Transcending, Used to Handle Changing Quantities (MATH 281)

Calculus 2: Integrals as the Mathematics of Unification, Used to Handle Wholeness (MATH 282)

Calculus 3: Unified Management of Change in All Possible Directions (MATH 283)

Linear Algebra 1: Linearity as the Simplest Form of a Quantitative Relationship (MATH 286)

Calculus 4: Locating Silence within Dynamism (MATH 304)

Complex Analysis: Transcending the Real Numbers to a Simpler and More Unified Numbering System (MATH 318)

Probability: Locating Orderly Patterns in Random Events to Predict Future Outcomes (MATH 351)

Real Analysis 1: Locating the Finest Impulses of Dynamism within the Continuum of Real Numbers (MATH 423)

Set Theory: Mathematics Unfolding the Path to the Unified Field — the Most Fundamental Field of Natural Law (MATH 434)

Foundations of Mathematics: The Unified Field as the Basis of All of Mathematics and All Laws of Nature (MATH 436)

Now, sure, any old university will be offering courses in real analysis and set theory. But will they learn about the unified field, and locate the finest impulses of dynamism? “Vector calculus” sounds kind if dry, but “Unified Management of Change in All Possible Directions”? Sign me up!

Nobody ever said the Maharishi wasn’t a good salesman.

Our current task, as Serious Bloggers, is to pass judgment upon whether the Muffin Joke is funny. Here is the joke itself:

So there are these two muffins baking in an oven. One of them yells, “Wow, it’s hot in here!”

And the other muffin replies: “Holy cow! A talking muffin!”

John Tierney (New York Times) thinks the Muffin Joke is not funny. Brad DeLong (Berkeley) disagrees, claiming that the Muffin Joke is, in fact, funny, although he offers no argument to support his conclusion. Jack Balkin (Yale) also finds the Muffin Joke funny, and does offer a rationale:

The muffin joke is funny because it is self-undermining. The punch line undermines the suspension of disbelief that the joke’s narrative presumes. It is kind of like breaching the fourth wall in drama. It’s like the line in Dr.Strangelove “You can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!” or the Atheist Hymn we came up with in high school: “There is no God, there is no God, He told me so himself.”

He admits, however, that by offering this explanation, he has thereby wrung all of the funniness out of the Muffin Joke. That’s as may be.

I come down on the pro-Muffin-Joke side of the debate. To me, it’s quite funny. Is this some sort of Ivory-Tower Academics vs. Hard-Nosed Journalists thing?

Thanks to Daniel’s post below, Cosmic Variance is presently the #1 Google hit for pretty pictures of love.

Who says we don’t have a sensitive side?

Today’s xkcd captures an important insight.

Click for the whole thing. (Update: Darn it, Cosma Shalizi got there before me.)

Jessica Hagy illustrates the vagaries of life via mathematical doodles on index cards.

Blogs — what can’t they do?

One of the fun aspects of using Gmail is the little ads for sponsored links that appear next to every message. I can’t imagine ever clicking on one of them, but it’s amusing to see what the Google mind thinks is related to the message content. For the most recent daily mailing from gr-qc@arxiv.org, here were the sponsored links that came along with it:

Fields Medal declined
Grigori Perelman has declined the 2006 Fields Medal for mathematics
www.thefirstpost.co.uk

the field center
how consciousness creates reality; an extraordinary eight-week course.
www.fieldcenter.org

The Theory of Everything
String theory can’t be all there is Read all about the alternatives
NewPhysicsAndTheMind.net

field offices ny
Perfect sales office space in NYC. $495+, full service. Start now!
www.microoffice.us

Relativity Challenge
Did Einstein make a math mistake? You be the judge!
www.relativitychallenge.com

Wanted: Scientists
Jobs for PhDs in biology, chemistry physics, math, and engineering
jobs.phds.org

Humidifier Filters
All sizes all the time 24 hour shipping
www.filters-now.com

So the scorecard is: two relevant links, three crackpot sites, one hilariously inappropriate understanding of the word “field,” and one perplexing sales pitch for humidifiers. But I kind of like the idea of attacking string theory via Google ads. I might just start advertising my own papers this way.